Forgiveness

The subject of forgiveness has been a ongoing theme for me for some time now - longer than I like to admit.  I've experienced a lot of pain in my life, and I've had lots of experience at forgiving.  However, I'm still fascinated by the process, particularly the correlation (or lack of it) between the intensity of the hurt and my relationship with the person who hurt me.  

While I could spend time analyzing how and why I forgive, or don't, it's irrelevant.  What matters is that forgiveness is something that I have to do, whether I want to or not, and whether it's easy or not.  It's not something I need to do for the people who've hurt me.  It's something I need to do for myself.  I've written more about the importance of forgiveness and the specific challenges of forgiving a family member at Suite101.

2010: The Year in Review

2010 started with such great hope and optimism.  While it got off to a good start, my enthusiasm for a great year didn't last long. From a potentially blinding eye problem resulting in major surgery, to the complicated and confusing end of an important relationship, to saying good-bye to a small business I'd run for nearly 10 years, 2010 was a year of endings.  

This season of grief has been overwhelming at times, but it has not been without its opportunities for growth.  I've learned a lot in the midst of the storm.

Things are not always as they seem.  Nothing made this point clearer than undergoing cataract surgery in July 2009, followed by emergency surgery for a detached retina only six months later. What we see with our eyes is rarely all there is.  Life would be so much richer if we could see our lives the way God sees them.

God is teaching us things even when He seems silent.  It would be wonderful if God called us on our cell phones or sent a text message when He had something important to say to us.  Unfortunately, He doesn't work that way.  God is communicating with us all the time, it's just harder to hear Him and know what to do when He seems silent.  But, it's during those times of silence that it's more important than ever to strive even harder for an intimate, personal relationship with Him.

Growth requires letting go. Situations and people enter our lives for a reason, and usually only for a season.  Rarely does a situation or a relationship last forever.  Part of maturing is learning to acknowledge that as we change, our needs and our priorities change as well.  We can be thankful for the learning opportunities that were provided when we needed them, yet still be prepared to gracefully move on when they are no longer working for us.  Periodically we need to reexamine our lives and take an honest inventory of whether the things and people we surround ourselves with our helping or hindering our spiritual and emotional growth.  We need to nurture and develop those things that are healthy, and gracefully let go of those that are not.

Sometimes acceptance is more important than rationalization.  Sometimes we can analyze and rationalize ourselves into knots, expending countless time and energy but never resolving the issue that challenges us.  I'm learning that understanding the what and why of a situation is not nearly as important as accepting the reality that it exists and moving forward accordingly.

If the shoe doesn't fit, maybe it's the wrong size.  Many of us go through life wearing other peoples' expectations, goals, and dreams, all the while thinking that they are our own.  If things just aren't working for us, or if we've achieved the trappings of success that we thought we wanted, only to find that something is still missing, maybe it's because we're not being true to our most authentic selves.

Despite facing one challenge and/or disappointment after another in 2010, I am thankful for the lessons I learned and the clarity I received about some things that have been troubling me for some time.  Perhaps most importantly, even though 2010 didn't turn out the way I'd hoped, I made it through and I'm entering 2011 with an even greater sense of hope and optimism for the New Year.

Wishing you love, joy, peace and prosperity in 2011!








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Spiritual deadheading

Even though it's the middle of winter, my mind drifted to gardening today.  Specifically I found myself thinking about deadheading flowers.  Go figure.  

Perhaps it's the approaching New Year that has been contemplating what I need to leave behind as I enter into the New Year.  

Whatever the reason, I just posted an article on the parallels between the deadheading I due in my garden to help my flowers and shrubs be as beautiful and as healthy as they can be and the spiritual deadheading that I believe God calls each of us to do in our lives.  

Revelations from the road

My recent road trip held even more revelations than I'd anticipated in my previous post.  I started my journey with my GPS, but also with printed directions from MapQuest.  Even though I knew the GPS would get me there turn by turn, the ability to see the "big picture" was an extra measure of security for me.

As it turned out, my parents were on a road trip of their own, traveling north as I was, about an hour or so ahead of me.  Not long into my journey my Mom called me to give me her version of the real-time traffic reports.  She strongly suggested that I avoid I-95 at all costs because of extremely heavy holiday traffic.  So, as it turned out, my big picture directions which had me traveling on I-95 for much of the way were suddenly useless.  I had to laugh at the irony of having to rely on my GPS after all.

As I reached the DC area, something unexpected happened.  Even though I was driving east towards Annapolis to avoid I-95, my GPS refused to recalibrate for the new route and for about 30 miles it insisted on telling me to turn at every conceivable exit in order to make my way towards Baltimore to connect with I-95.  While trying to ignore the directions coming from the GPS, I started thinking about the voices of often well-meaning friends and others who try to convince us to go in the direction they think we should be going, even if we know the path that we're supposed to be taking.  While their directions may still get us where we need to go, there may be a better path for us to take.  After all, God can see those obstacles and challenges ahead that we and others can't see.

After I crossed the Bay Bridge and got past the exits to Baltimore, I noticed another interesting pattern.  The GPS stopped talking altogether.  For about 40-50 miles there was complete silence.  At some point I realized that the reason the GPS wasn't giving me directions was because there weren't any.  I was on the road I was supposed to be on, so there was nothing more to say.  At that point I realized there's another reason why God is sometimes silent.  When we're doing what we're supposed to be doing, we simply need to keep at it until God tells us to do otherwise.

I'd say this was a pretty productive trip!

A real life road trip

I had an interesting revelation while preparing for my upcoming Thanksgiving holiday road trip.  Even though I have a GPS in my car, I still found myself printing door-to-door directions from Google Maps.  I realized that even though I would have step-by-step directions right there in the car, I still needed the additional comfort of a printed set of directions that showed me the entire route at the same time.

It occurred to me that my daily walk with God is sort of like this upcoming trip.  Even though God is there providing step-by-step instructions as my own personal God's Positioning System, I still want to see the big picture. I still want to know where I'm ultimately headed and which route He's sending me on to get me there.

As much as I want to see God's big picture for my life, maybe that's not such a good idea.  After all, He must have a good reason for not showing us all we want to see at one time.  Maybe He knows that too much information will be confuse and overwhelm us.  Maybe He knows that we might not want to go where we ultimately need to be.  Or maybe He knows that if we see the big picture, we won't understand it anyway.

As much as I want all the answers now, I've got to trust that God knows best.  Just like my GPS, I have to be willing to trust Him to get me where He's destined me to be - one turn at a time.

Lessons I learned from cataract surgery

Today I was reflecting on the need to see things from God's perspective rather than our own.  When things aren't going as we'd planned or hoped, it's easy to lose sight of the fact that we can only see a very limited piece of the bigger picture.  I was reminded of how I learned this lesson in a vivid way last year when I had cataract surgery. That experience taught me to view life from a different perspective.  I've posted lessons I learned from cataract surgery here.

A season of silence

There are times in my life when God is on a roll - the blessings come faster than I can count them.  Now is not one of those times.  I've been struggling through a season of silence for a couple of months now and I haven't been handling it as gracefully as I'd like.  

Thankfully, while God may not be speaking to me in ways that I can readily understand, He has been showing me how to use this period as a learning opportunity.  Click here to read my thoughts on learning how to listen even when God is silent.

The importance of sharing

People who know me well, and perhaps some who don't, know that I often share the painful experiences of my past.  My ex-husband was a very private person, and he hated this quality about me.  I could never get him to understand that there is no value in keeping lessons learned to ourselves. I believe it is a moral obligation, a calling, to try to help ease the pain of others when I can by sharing my story.

Praying inside the box

Many people believe that we should ask God for what we want, leave our prayers with Him, and move on, knowing that He will answer our prayers in His time and in His way.  In theory that makes perfect sense.  I wish I was disciplined enough to do it.  I've gotten better about not repeating the same prayer over

My personal GPS

During my years conducting market research feasibility studes for commercial real estate development projects, I spent countless hours driving around unfamiliar cities, balancing watching the road, looking for street signs, and trying to decipher a road map - all at the same time. How much easier it would have been to simply start the car, type in the address of my destination, and allow a pleasant voice to guide me from where I was to where I needed to be. Alas, I learned to do it myself the old-school way, but using a GPS makes driving so much simpler, and allows for fewer time-consuming mistakes. I've decided that the next car I buy will definitely have a GPS in it .