Gardening it forward

Yesterday I struck up a conversation with a women in the gardening department at Home Depot. After talking about our respective gardens for a while (hers being much more established than mine) she said she was going home to thin out some of her favorite flowers and had been trying unsuccessfully to find a good home for them. She asked if I lived nearby, and if so, if I might be interested.  Absolutely!

A few hours later she was showing me her lovely gardens, full of beautiful flowers and plants I'd never seen before.  And, she had already prepared about 10 different cuttings for me to bring home.  I offered to pay her, but she smiled and said "No, this is what gardeners do.  When it's time, you can pay it forward from your gardens."

What a beautiful gift and a more beautiful challenge to pay it forward.

Reframing Mistakes

I've made a lot of mistakes in my life, many small, but some huge. I've spent a lot of time replaying those mistakes over and over, beating myself up and asking all sorts of questions for which there aren't any answers.

I'm beginning to realize that all the condemnation and recrimination in the world won't make those "mistakes" go away. I'm also beginning to realize that I may be doing myself and my spirit a serious disservice by attaching value judgments to past decisions. The intrepretations I attached to them were much worse than the decisions themselves were. They were not "good" or "bad", they just were.

Would I have made different choices and done a lot of things differently if I knew then what I know now?  Of course I would. But therein lies the point... IF I'd known then what I know now... the simple truth is that I didn't.

I have to accept, and live with, the consequences of my choices, all of them. But I don't have to continue to beat myself up because of them. Through God's grace, and the process of healing, I'm learning to realize that I did the best I could at the time. I didn't knowingly make decisions that would cause pain for me or others. If I'd had the wisdom, patience, strength, or courage to make healthier choices I would have. God knows that and He has forgiven me. Now it's time for me to forgive myself.

Photo by eggman at Flickr.com

Patience pays

I spent at least 4 hours over the past weekend searching for a 42" TV.  Never mind that I need a new TV like a need a hole in the head, but I really wanted one.  It's been a very challenging winter on several fronts and I needed something tangible to boost my spirits and remind me that I'm not making all the sacrifices I'm making for nothing.

By Sunday afternoon I was so frustrated and exhausted with the process of trying to figure out which TV was the best value that I was ready to buy anything - just to be able to be done with it so I could go home and watch a movie.  Everytime I made a decision, I found out that the TV I'd chosen wasn't available in-stock, or they only had one left and the stand was missing. Great.

Thankfully that small still voice, confirmed by a friend who'd come along to help me get my new TV home, convinced me that perhaps the reason I was having so much trouble with this decision was because that was not the time to make the purchase.  Of course that only made me more frustrated, but I resisted the urge to buy one anyway, and went home.

By yesterday I felt ready to try again.  I made a few phone calls and realized that model I was leaning towards was no longer available and the next closest model was $75 more.  When I got to the store determined to buy this one while I had the chance, something amazing happened.  I found a similar TV, with double the Hz speed (refresh rate) for $200 less!  I got the TV set-up last night and discovered that I love it.  I am a very satisfied customer, but more importantly, I am again humbled by the lessons God teaches us in the most unexpected ways.  He's always talking. It's up to us to listen.