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Love really is a verb

April 16, 2011


It's not often that a blog post moves me to tears, but this one did. In it, WillThink4Wine  writes so eloquently about the true meaning of love. I couldn't agree with her more when she writes that "I believe that when someone really loves you, really values you deeply, the words "I Love You" need never be spoken. You will feel the love, all the way to the core of your being."


I was reminded of the night I finally realized my marriage was over. I'd asked my husband if he loved me. He thought about it for a while (not a good sign), and then he said "Love is the most overused and misunderstood word in the English language." I remember wishing that he'd just stabbed me with a knife. I think it would have hurt less. The fact that he couldn't answer the question directly told me all I needed to know at that time. Since then, I've realized that what was more significant was the fact that I needed to ask the question at all. He was being as honest and he knew how to be. And as painful as it was in that moment, and in the weeks and months to come, his honesty saved me from a lifetime of pain.


Thankfully, I've moved on, both emotionally and spiritually. And by the grace of God, I now know that I am capable of giving and receiving love, from the right people in the right circumstances. WillThink4Wine's post reminded me to embrace my relationships with an open mind and an open heart, remembering that not everybody who says "I love you" really does, and that sometimes those who really do, don't say it with those words. It also reminded me that the same holds true for me.

Photo by Fe 108AUMS at Flickr.com

3 comments:

Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen said...

Thank you for this! It sure gives me something to chew on.

I understand why the words "I love you" need never be spoken in a love relationship...but I have to say that I need to hear my husband say those three words. Regularly. At least twice a week. Maybe it's because I'm insecure, maybe because we've only been married for five years. It's not him - his actions and words are very loving, even when he's not saying "I love you."

But there's something about those three words that make me feel loved, cherished, secure. I love being told that I'm loved! So, even though love is a verb and our actions are what really counts, I'm hooked on the feeling I get when I'm told I loved.

By the way, my two closest friends and I end our monthly phone conversations with "I love you." And, one of my close male friends and I have told each other we love each other (totally platonic). I swear, saying those words out loud to someone and hearing them back makes a difference in your relationship.

I don't mean to belittle or argue with you....I just wanted to share my thoughts! Thanks for hearing me out :-)

Wit love,
Laurie

April 17, 2011 at 10:24 PM
Syd said...

Laurie,

Thanks for the great comments.

I agree with you completely that there's something wonderful about hearing "I love you". Sadly, for some of us the problem has been believing it when the words are said by people who don't really mean it. For people like me who never heard those words enough growing up, it's been too easy to be misled and ultimately hurt deeply by people who either threw the words out casually without understanding the importance of them, or those who knew full well that saying the words would increase the likelihood of getting whatever it is they wanted or needed.

You are truly blessed to have a husband who helps you to feel loved, cherished, and secure. What great ways to describe a loving relationship!

Perhaps the key to all this is developing a sense of discernment, which is something I'm working hard on. I really do hope to hear the words again. I just hope the next person who says them to me really means it. And, to be honest, I also hope that when that time comes, my heart will be open enough to accept it.

Sydney

April 18, 2011 at 9:09 AM
Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen said...

Syd,

You're so self-aware! Just knowing that the possibility exists that you may not be able to accept love can increase the chances you'll be ready...I think.

I didn't get married until I was 35 because I was too scared of the vulnerability and commitment of love. I did a year of counseling, and that changed my life, my perspective on love and relationships, and my perspective on me. It was really hard to be in counseling for a year, but boy was it worth it. I had a real love/hate relationship with my counselor. I finished counseling at age 33, and got married less than two years later. And we did Christian premarital counseling, which was great.

One of my friends -- well, many of my friends, now that I think about it -- can't be loved. One fellow is just too scared; his mom died when he was 13 and he's never gotten over it. One girlfriend of mine is so miserable, negative, and sour all the time -- and she wonders why nobody loves her! Another girlfriend expects too much of men. She knows it and she desperately wants to be married with kids, but she just can't lower her standards.

I always tell people to get counseling. We ALL have issues, and an objective counselor who we connect with can literally change our lives.

And yes, thank you for reminding me, God has blessed me with Bruce. That's not to say all is perfect, of course...we can't have kids because of sperm problems. And the older he gets, the more he snores :-)

Laurie

PS Is there an article in here somewhere? ;-)

April 18, 2011 at 2:03 PM

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